I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
