until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
