Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
