My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
