I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize