also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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