He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Randomize
