dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
