all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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