You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
