im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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