I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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