somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
