For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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