WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
