I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
