My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
