No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
