We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
