Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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