just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
