she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
