??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
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