chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
