you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
