I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
