my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
