you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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