i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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