she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
