Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
