my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
