i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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