I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
