is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
She just used a chaser for red wine.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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