If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Damn victory sex feels great
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
