he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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