i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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