"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
The uberlube is also flammable
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
