Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
