i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Couch. On fire.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
