My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That accounts for only three of the penises
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
