Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
