She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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