; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
