I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
