I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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