I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
