Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
