friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
