Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Fuck me I smell like cheese
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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