I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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