You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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