i jhust puked up my retainher.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize