I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
