Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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