Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
