Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Enjoy the penises
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
