don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
