The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
