Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
