I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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