Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize