I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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