I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
