What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
