That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
