Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
