I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Randomize
