The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
