You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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