drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
