So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize