forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
