hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
