she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
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